I Have Problems With: Now You See Me

In the first installment of “I Have Problems With,” I have problems with “Now You See Me.”

babyfranco

*SPOILER ALERT*

*NOT THAT YOU CAN REALLY SPOIL SOMETHING SO GOOFY*

This movie stars, mostly, Mark Ruffalo, as a guy making confused faces. Melanie Laurent is in it as A French Girl who tells Ruffalo to believe in fairies or something.

Also, we have Jesse Eisenberg as J. Daniel Atlas (best name ever?), a street magician who falls somewhere in between Mark Zuckerberg and Criss Angel; Woody Harrelson as a burnout mentalist; Isla Fisher as Henley Reeves, a pretty bad ass/attractive magician; and Baby James Franco as a guy who doesn’t know about Uri Geller and  picks pockets on ferries. And Morgan Freeman as Morgan Freeman.

Here, in no particular order, are my problems with this movie:

  • Not really sure why Henley would be in love with J. Daniel Atlas. Probably the allure of three names. She seemed to have more chemistry with the mentalist, anyway.

  • Why would a mentalist need to explain dry ice to the stage magicians?

  • If you were running The Eye, why wouldn’t you just magick your revenge instead of creating a one-year, public, elaborate plan involving magician stooges?

  • Baby Franco’s skill seemed to be…pickpocketing? And fake-dying?

  • Why wouldn’t a magician planning an under-the-river safe trick check out the quality of the safe’s manufacturing?

  • Is it really that admirable to avenge your father’s death by causing multiple car accidents on a bridge?

  • The whole theme was “Look closer…but don’t, cause you missed it.” Maybe the screenwriters should have thought about that before writing an obvious and lame “twist.”

  • Morgan Freeman as….Morgan Freeman

  • So, the Eye is real? Or they all just took ecstasy and then rode the merry go round?

  • If Mark Ruffalo had access to the safe stolen in the last trick, why didn’t he just steal it in the first place rather than installing a giant mirror and getting the Four Horsemen to fill his dummy case with balloon animals? Who made those balloon animals? Did they have to spend three days making balloon animals?

  • Is there an Oscar for most over- and under-acting in a film? Give it to Mark Ruffalo.

  • Why were there so many hot, silent ladies? See: Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman

  • The last show in Queens was really just an elaborate but not that well done disappearing act?

  • If Ruffalo was busy being a fake FBI agent, where did he get all the money for the elaborate lighting equipment, video equipment,  and tricks throughout? Pretty sure Michael Caine stopped being a benefactor after they chained him to a stage and took his money.

  • The magicians are clearly far more interesting than Ruffalo or Melanie Laurent. Why didn’t we spend our time with them instead of the boring investigation?

  • Shrike was his father? Come the fuck on.

  • Bank-robbing magicians? Derren Brown did it better:

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I Have Problems With: Now You See Me

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