I Have Problems With: Now You See Me

In the first installment of “I Have Problems With,” I have problems with “Now You See Me.”

babyfranco

*SPOILER ALERT*

*NOT THAT YOU CAN REALLY SPOIL SOMETHING SO GOOFY*

This movie stars, mostly, Mark Ruffalo, as a guy making confused faces. Melanie Laurent is in it as A French Girl who tells Ruffalo to believe in fairies or something.

Also, we have Jesse Eisenberg as J. Daniel Atlas (best name ever?), a street magician who falls somewhere in between Mark Zuckerberg and Criss Angel; Woody Harrelson as a burnout mentalist; Isla Fisher as Henley Reeves, a pretty bad ass/attractive magician; and Baby James Franco as a guy who doesn’t know about Uri Geller and  picks pockets on ferries. And Morgan Freeman as Morgan Freeman.

Here, in no particular order, are my problems with this movie:

  • Not really sure why Henley would be in love with J. Daniel Atlas. Probably the allure of three names. She seemed to have more chemistry with the mentalist, anyway.

  • Why would a mentalist need to explain dry ice to the stage magicians?

  • If you were running The Eye, why wouldn’t you just magick your revenge instead of creating a one-year, public, elaborate plan involving magician stooges?

  • Baby Franco’s skill seemed to be…pickpocketing? And fake-dying?

  • Why wouldn’t a magician planning an under-the-river safe trick check out the quality of the safe’s manufacturing?

  • Is it really that admirable to avenge your father’s death by causing multiple car accidents on a bridge?

  • The whole theme was “Look closer…but don’t, cause you missed it.” Maybe the screenwriters should have thought about that before writing an obvious and lame “twist.”

  • Morgan Freeman as….Morgan Freeman

  • So, the Eye is real? Or they all just took ecstasy and then rode the merry go round?

  • If Mark Ruffalo had access to the safe stolen in the last trick, why didn’t he just steal it in the first place rather than installing a giant mirror and getting the Four Horsemen to fill his dummy case with balloon animals? Who made those balloon animals? Did they have to spend three days making balloon animals?

  • Is there an Oscar for most over- and under-acting in a film? Give it to Mark Ruffalo.

  • Why were there so many hot, silent ladies? See: Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman

  • The last show in Queens was really just an elaborate but not that well done disappearing act?

  • If Ruffalo was busy being a fake FBI agent, where did he get all the money for the elaborate lighting equipment, video equipment,  and tricks throughout? Pretty sure Michael Caine stopped being a benefactor after they chained him to a stage and took his money.

  • The magicians are clearly far more interesting than Ruffalo or Melanie Laurent. Why didn’t we spend our time with them instead of the boring investigation?

  • Shrike was his father? Come the fuck on.

  • Bank-robbing magicians? Derren Brown did it better:

I Have Problems With: Now You See Me

Just Having One of Those (Writing) Days

Things to remember when you start to think “writing is hard!”

1. It helps to write an outline first

2. Your outline isn’t set in stone, but it will definitely help when you’re three paragraphs into a new project and have no idea where it’s going

3. You can always rewrite

4. Writing is hard. But worth it. …right?

5. Just listen to Nick Hornby and Ben Folds for therapy already

Just Having One of Those (Writing) Days

Weekend Linkage: Book Club Brunch

bookclub

 

Weekend Linkage: Book Club Brunch

Weekend Linkage: Just One Glass

Image

  • Shut up and Write the Book – Austin Kleon – I need to print out the flowchart included in this post
  • What a Millennial Wants – Lindsay McComb “I admit, I don’t want the life that my parents had. I don’t expect to stay at the same job for years upon years. I want flexibility and more autonomy. I want to hear when I perform well.”
  • Daily Dishonesty – Lauren Hom One of my favorite things on the internet, which means I really need to hit up the shop.
  • Hiddles Poetry – Some internet genius/evil mastermind has compiled a YouTube playlist of Tom Hiddleston reading poetry. I have no words to describe the joy and despair this brings to the world.
  • Drafster.com – Kansas City’s beer menu aggregator, and also my new favorite site.
Weekend Linkage: Just One Glass